Love, emotion and music as a drug by Chel Wolverton

 Photo via Unsplash

Photo via Unsplash

“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”

― Meša Selimović, (I think), not sure which book, but would love to read the English translation

Often what we want out of a connection with another human being isn’t at all what we get. There are beautiful moments in each relationship in which one’s goals are aligned with what the other half of a duo wants — goals, companionship, comfort, lust, to be held, love, affection and so on.

When they diverge is when discontent happens and in the spirit of love arises a question to be answered — is it worth working through the divergence together? At the risk of stating the obvious, making the choice to let go can be tough, because we genuinely care for another person. Not want to cause pain or feel pain. Sometimes the decision is forced upon us by death, then we have no choice but to deal with the relationship as it was in that moment without resolution to be gained as a pair.

In any case, Love isn’t the source of the pain. We love so eagerly as a fix to pain. Love certainly opens the door to feeling pain, but we shouldn’t weigh love down as being the source of pain. Let’s not confuse it with the hurtful moments in a relationship.

Emotion is the source of pain when tied to divergence of reality — unrealistic expectations and outcomes desired on our part when when we know they aren’t a choice a partner can or will make. Whether it be because of an unwillingness or inability to compromise/find a way forward together. Pain is what happens because we resist reality rather than making a decision seated in reality.

All of this was inspired by a friend posing the question “is music a drug?”, which led me to conclude after some thinking that our emotions are the drugs. We get punch drunk on love. We dose ourselves with pain over and over. We CHOOSE to feel each emotion. We choose pain and we choose love (and music helps elevate each of those feelings).

But if we can manage our expectations, look at what’s real — and thus avoid drowning in what we want to be true —choose to seat ourselves in reality, we find our relationships are much better as a result.

17 years later... by Chel Wolverton

And the pain is gone, the pain is gone.
I recognize it but it's unfamiliar.
Now the pain is gone, the pain is gone.
I recognize it but it's unfamiliar.

I don't usually bring up this day often anymore, but I am this year as it's a terribly symbolic anniversary to my family. 17 years my little brother existed in this world in tangible form, now for 17 years he's only existed in memories.

While to be sure, my parents lost something far greater than I - my brother Zach and I felt our worlds shatter on that day, too. Zach because he had to face death with his gentle heart at a young age and I because lost the "friend I was forced to have", the person who shared every part of my childhood. When I think of that day, I hear whispers of lost chances.

I learned some valuable lessons from that terrible time that have been behind in a lot of my choices this past year. At the heart of it, over years I've evolved into being a stronger, smarter, confident, and bolder Chel. In this last year, that force has become even stronger.

Two lessons I will impart for you from my own experiences in hopes that you may find them as valuable as I have: 1. Always say what you're thinking to people you love, even and especially when it's hard. 2. Make bolder choices because you have a single life. Every word I say is true. Every path I choose is a little more of me. You can make those choices, too.

It's one way I can honor a memory still haunting me 17 years later.

I still miss you, little one.

Humanwire #GivingTuesday by Chel Wolverton

I woke up to the best news this morning on #GivingTuesday. Haineyehya's family is fully funded to receive the donations made on her behalf. Thank you. To everyone who took a moment to read about, share, and donate to this campaign - your support is what makes things like this possible. 

Now that the campaign for Haineyehya has ended, that only means there are other families out there that can use your help. Humanwire is doing just that as rapidly as they can. While most people are just starting to hear about the refugee crisis on a regular basis, there are families  who have been living in camps before 2011 and they need our help.

Humanwire can help these families directly and you see the results in photos and videos that show you just how grateful they are that someone in this world cares. Andrew has done a phenomenal job in creating this rapidly growing charity to take on the problem.

Once the money is raised, the families as assisted in getting the goods (food, heating, etc.) that the money was raised for - receipts and other documentation provided to the donors - along with direct contact with the recipients. A valuable connection that makes a mark on each person's life.

Every time we reach out, donate, make the world a little bit better - some of us feel a loss at how to help on a large scale. The world doesn't need only large scale help. Sometimes all it takes it one family at a time. It's not an all or nothing game.

It's heart. Take one step, take another, and before you know it we can make the world shine a little bit brighter for families around the world. To yell and shout about this or that on our social profiles takes little courage - it's the steps we take to rectify the problems we see in the world that makes it a better place.

On this #GivingTuesday, please take a moment to support a family on Humanwire

Meet Haineyehya and tell her #helpiscoming by Chel Wolverton

 Photo taken on my birthday this year. One of the many reasons behind my inspiration to lead versus donate.

Photo taken on my birthday this year. One of the many reasons behind my inspiration to lead versus donate.

Meet Haineyehya. She's 6 years old and has my heart wrapped around her little finger. Until last night, I was unfamiliar with this young girl who left her home with her father and 4 siblings (no mention of her mother) to find a safe place to call home. Can any of us imagine leaving the only home/country we've known to make this journey as a 6 year old?

Enter Humanwire. Haineyehya and her family needed support and Andrew sought a way for himself and others to help that feels more personal. These families aren't asking for anything and we are asking FOR them - we only need to raise $1600 - which will go to pay for food, housing supplies, a heating machine and medical care for her father whom broke both his legs and cannot work currently. That's all they need to eat good meals, have better shelter and be warm.

More than 43 million people worldwide are now forcibly displaced as a result of conflict and persecution. Half of all refugees in the world are children 17 and under, most of which have lost family, home, school and friends. 

We all see the heartache and pain of people fleeing their homes because there is no hope left. "...parents puts their child on a boat when the sea is safer than the land”. Haineyehya and her family left to find a safer place and now we can help make that place a bit better. Please take a moment and give any amount that you can, in doing so, we'll help at least one of these children today.

Must Listen List - November 2015 by Chel Wolverton

Some of these might be familiar to you, I'm certain not all of them will be. If you've heard all of them then send me a note because I have a prize to send you.

This first video needs no introduction and if it does, then shame on you. Go listen. Words can't describe this one. JT will make the most lukewarm fan love him after this jaw-dropping performance with Chris Stapleton at the CMAs.

This one is pretty special to me. You'll feel all the emotion from this duo. The songwriting is phenomenal. Been a fan for a while, buy everything I can get my hands on. That speaks volumes. The direction and performance of this video is right up there with JT. It's that spankin' marvelous.

This is hands down my favorite cover of this song. That smoky, smoky voice. Adele nails it again to no one's surprise.

This isn't an official video but as one of the top 10 most played in my iTunes it had to make the list. Garden State scenes make it even more badass and heartbreaking and heartmending all in one.

Stars singing Barricade over Les Miz is pure gold. It's a perfect fit and the lyrics are amazing. "Oh how could anyone not want to rip it all apart?" The song's story isn't what it sounds like at all which intrigues me. I love songs where there could be a thousand meanings in every lyric.