I spent the weekend Dayton, OH. It wasn't for a conference or an unconference. I made a choice that I needed to honor an opportunity to attend a seminar by Stephen K. Hayes called Evocation. I owe a a great deal to Chris Penn, Mark Davis and Stephen K. Hayes for making this weekend possible for me, for opening the door and giving me the choice to be present.
To explain Evocation, I'll tell you, I get asked a lot what Podcamp is and you could ask me about what Evocation is, but Chris nailed it. It's not easy to describe and it's something you need to experience in order to get what you need to out of it.
After Podcamp Boston 4, I was inspired for different reasons to make some changes in my life. Between learning about Shambhala teachings, listening to Mr. Tony Robbins (whom I'd dearly love to meet someday) and learning some priceless things about meditation; I've progressed a lot on my own.
In the midst of all this learning I realized there was a limitation I placed on myself and it seemed to be warring with me because I want to be who I am fully. The negativity was sticking around, so was the limitation I was committing to.
I'm not good enough.
Not good enough for what you ask? A good majority of the good things that I'd accomplished or wanted to accomplish with my life.
How do people feel they aren't good enough?
- I don't deserve to be loved.
- All this hard work that people are complimenting me on wasn't really that great.
- I'm a fraud compared to this person I look up to, admire, who intimidates the shit out of me.
- I can't write intelligently enough like that person, therefore, why should I blog?
I asked everyone I knew if they had the answer. How do you counter argue not being good enough? How do you smack that feeling down, reshape it, change it? Some of them didn't have the answer and a couple felt the same way and are fighting their own demons. From two people in my life, that answer was this seminar. I almost didn't make it for reasons outside of my control. But I did it. I made a choice to force it and could sense it was important.
The seminar taught me lots of things. That I made the choice to feel and listen to the "you're not good enough" taunt being thrown at me. That as long as I keep listening to that I was going to be defined by it. Defined by the feeling that would hold me back in every aspect of my life.
This is more than just positive thinking. It's a new way of being. You know how you make a change and you feel like oh this is okay. Then it doesn't stick! This is true of drug users. They keep coming back to the way things were because that's who they are. When you change who you are, you have less desire to keep reaching for that old familiar.
This weekend that I made the choice. I could keep doing choosing to listen to the taunt or I could choose a new reality for myself. I chose to bury my old self and live a life where all the things I aspire to achieve are possible. Some of those things are starting to become clearer now. Some will come later. Right now I'm feeling more alive and aware of myself and my presence and place in the world than ever and who I am supposed to be is shaping.
If there's some choice that you want to make for yourself, I encourage you to consider attending the next seminar. Until then I suggest you read How to Own the World and begin your own exploration to find the answers to the things that you limit yourself by.
There's more to come. So much more. I'm glad you're here with me to share it.
Photo by Bahman Farzad (photo linked).