The past 24 hours have been crazy. I had a great evening and was feeling happy (as evidenced by a quick photo before getting in my car, smiling no less!) and in an instant it all changed.
I no longer have car. It's weird. I felt weird when I realized I became a driver again and a good one. It feels weird to know that I won't have my own car again for at least a couple weeks, if not longer.
Seconds and my world exploded with pain and confusion and the aftermath of that explosion is a lot of navigation of bureaucracy.
I'm not seriously injured. Let me tell you - I'm beyond grateful the events unfolded the way that they did. There could have been a much worse outcome in that mix. I'm pretty happy with the outcome...to the extent that I can be. I can breathe and I can walk. That's a pretty good deal.
So what have I learned?
- It reinforced my life lessons for dealing with change. Plenty of changes to navigate and staying glued to one thing won't help. Forward.
- I'm adamant more than ever that we should be open and forthcoming about how we feel, who we are and what makes us happy with the people that we love and care for. 100%, remember?
- Science rules all in life and death and physics is the master of car accidents. We puny humans are just along for the ride. Skin and bones wrapped up in fiberglass, metal, and concrete.
- This one is rather obvious. Things will hurt. It will suck. Advil is my friend. I was sore near my spine where the seat broke, now my knee is forming a huge bruise from impact. My ribs ache a bit and I have a vague headache I'm paying attention to. Ouch.
- I lost a lot of filters. I said something very blunt to someone today. It was something necessary with a mix of context and caring. I still am not sure how it was taken, but hopefully I'll find out.
- The emotional roller coaster is going the full gambit of ups and downs. I've done: happy to be alive, tears born of disappointment and fear, anger at the loss, sad about things I haven't yet done, frustration at the other driver, eagerness to let people know I care, desire to be close to other human beings, the need for an adrenaline rush to know I'm still alive, terror because of replays and bad dreams, delight at coffee, pleasure in the sunshine and cool breeze, and sleepiness to process all of the other things.
- I have people who love me. I panicked because my phone wouldn't work to make calls last night and posted to Facebook instead to reach someone. I'm loved. I'm sure of that.
I've spent a great deal of the day feeling like I've missed doing something important that I can't quite put into words. It's actually a conflicting feeling and isn't helping with the emotional roller coaster part of things. Maybe I'll figure out what it is at some point and handle it.
Say what you need to say in the moments that present themselves to you. Don't wait for everything to be just so. Be you, open and honestly. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Today is life.